Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why I am an Asshole...

I’m an Asshole….with a capital A for emphasis.   “ No! It’s not true!  You couldn’t possibly be!  How could you say that?”  You’re probably asking your computer screen right now.  Yeah, I kinda am, or at least I feel like one sometimes.  Lately I’ve been in a funk, I’ve been down and feeling sorry for myself for struggling to make ends meet.  It’s been all about me lately, I-me-mine.  I’ve been in self pity mode for awhile, and I feel like an asshole because I know there are people out there who are far worse off then I am.  Lately I’ve been feeling like no one cares about me or how I get by paying my rent each month, even though I know that’s not true, I’ve got a lot of people who care about me…..but I don’t like to brag. : P   So lately I’ve been going through the motions <walking through the part> going from day to day being like Darlene again.  Yes, Darlene (from Rosanne) was a nickname my friends and family gave me because as a teen my closet was full of black and I didn’t speak English, I spoke sarcasm, or smart-assism.  So yeah, unfortunately "Darlene" found her way back into my life after being away for sooooo long.  Then something nice happened….two things actually.

First my good friend who works in maintenance at a local apartment building found a nice little surprise for me one day.  Sometimes when people move out of their apartments, they leave behind unwanted items.  The buildings office hangs on to them for awhile in case the former resident comes back to collect.  This particular box of joy my friend gave me (and no it’s not porn) had been sitting in the office for months uncollected, so he decided to give these items to me.  As soon as I saw what all was in this box, I immediately turned into the little girl I was and still act like most times, this box contains items that were most precious to me for the first 20 years of my life (again…not porn).  The inventory of this box of goodies includes 1 Nintendo Entertainment System, 1 Super NES, and 1 Nintendo 64 system.  Not only that, but there’s also a shit load of games for each system, games I haven’t played in too many years for me to remember.  Wow, here I was acting like a little sullen depressed girl and here is one person who cares enough about me to not only know I would absolutely love these items, but whom specifically set them aside for me.  Awesomeness!!

The second act of kindness came when I stopped at the corner gas station next to my apartment building during lunch time today.  I’m a reoccurring customer at this place; I’m there almost everyday for gas, cigarettes, chocolate milk, or trick turning for extra chocolate milk money.  Today the nice dude behind the counter that I talk to all the time runs to the back of the shop as soon as he saw me walk in the door.  He comes running back up front carrying a plastic bag with items in it.  He hands it to me, “Here you go, you are a good customer” he says,  “and you are here all the time, we want to say thank you to our best customers.” (You’re all reading that in the voice of Apu aren’t you?) Inside this little care package was a box of candy, two….yes two, packs of Parliament cigarettes (my brand of choice, but they are the most expensive, so I’ve been down grading lately to the cheapest pack….Pall Mall), if I wasn’t at work, I woulda started leaking from my eye sockets at this kind gesture, I gotta keep my street cred at work, can’t let anyone see me cry.  But that wasn’t all that was in this bag of goodies, there was also an envelope with a card inside, and inside this card was also a gas card (Free gas!! For my car!!), and bundle of scratch off lottery tickets.  I was moved just by the smokes and chocolate, I wasn’t even expecting anything else.  That’s two acts of kindness that people other then my family (who have to be nice to me) have bestowed upon me in two days.  So yeah I’ve officially been an asshole for the past few weeks and apologize profusely to anyone who I might have assholed on during my I-me-mine period.  

These acts of kindness have made me realize that I need to start doing more for people and be nicer.  (Cue the serious musical backdrop) Don’t get me wrong, I do help others as much as I can when I can, but sometimes I just feel like I could do more.  And it shouldn’t just be the holidays that I feel this way, it should be all year round.  I don't want to live in I-me-mine land, I don’t want to be like that dude from the McDonald's commercial “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”  Seriously dude?  Who the eff are you?  Who the eff am I for that matter.  I’m just a tiny dot of color among other tiny dots of color making up one big picture.  So I’m gonna try harder this new year to help out my fellow dots as much as I can, cause we’re all in this picture together, going through the same crap…together.  There are so many little things we can do to help each other out, hold the door for the person behind you, offer to help someone carry their grocery’s to their car, smile and give a compliment.  Karma’s a real thing peeps, and you yourself may need help one day, and when you help others, you’ll find that your “help” pops up from all directions just when you need it the most.  So let’s all pull a Catherine Ryan Hyde, and Pay it Forward, or up or down or sideways…just pay it. Ok?

* I would like to add a closing statement to all the kiddo’s and young-uns out there.  Earlier I mentioned how overjoyed I was when I received 2 packs of my favorite cigarettes.  Don’t start smoking kids.  Seriously.  I totally regret ever starting.  I admit, I started smoking when I was 17 cause all my friends were and I was sure that it made me look cooler to everyone.  It’s so hard to quit.  Trying to quit smoking is like trying not to breathe; it becomes a habit, something you need to survive your day.  Don’t start smoking, I promise you will regret it as much as I do.  Not to mention the price…when I started, they were $2.35 a pack (I can hear my dad saying, “Well when I first started, they were a quarter outta the vending machine”…thanks dad) now, just one pack costs me anywhere between $7.50-$8.70, that money adds up.  It’s a waste of money, you feel like shit just walking up a flight of stairs and it’s so hard to quit. Please if you actually follow any advice I give on this blog, it would be this; Don’t start smoking….oh yeah, and be nicer to your fellow dots. * 

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Books vs. Computers

To commemorate my continuing progress in the road to gaining my Librarian Technical Assistant (LTA) certificate, I want to write about a topic that’s been in pretty much all the classes I’ve taken thus far on this journey.  Books vs. Computers: Who Will Win the Ultimate Battle?  By computers I mostly mean those fancy thing-a-ma-bobs, Kindles or Nooks or any other kind of digital device that allows you to download books for a much cheaper price then buying a paper book.  There are many arguments supporting both sides, some will say that Kindles are smaller, easier to carry around, easier to hold when lying in bed, cheaper to buy reading materials, they save trees.  *That’s a whole ‘nother environmentalist debate with pro’s and con’s on both sides, which I won’t get into today.  Perhaps…..another time*    Some people would say that paper books are on the way out, that they’ll be a thing of the past, that soon technology will be able to hold the infinite knowledge of any book ever written, rendering the originals obsolete.  I say Fah-Que! *that’s only funny if you picture it said in the voice of Peter Griffin. So just…try picturing that…ok?*

Then there are many like me who know that the hard copy paper books will never go away.  Those of us that prefer the “real” thing do so because we treasure the books.  If you’re a bookworm like me, you have a few books that are your absolute favorites, you’ve read them 20 times already, and you’ll read ‘em 20 more times before long.  These favorite books stay with you forever, you grab that copy from the shelf and hold it in your hands and remember all the times you’ve read it, and the different stages you’ve gone through in your life up until that point.  And you get this reaction so strong sometimes you can feel the energy tingling in your fingers slowly moving up your arm with each touch of the page.  Those tinglings are memories of who you were, who you knew, what you were feeling, even those of anyone else who have held that very book, even if it was just for a second.  It can be very personal unlike one little pad with a screen, who’s probably been with every book out there, downloading one book after another, then tossing it aside without another thought.  Oh and what if they download a virus along with its latest conquest?  Paper books don’t get viruses.  They…uhm…might get a little mold from time to time, but that’s nothing a good ointment can’t fix!

So I think by now you all should know that I’m a Buffy fan, and more importantly a huge Giles fan.  I mean come on, for a middle aged British Librarian turned Magic Shop owner, he’s pretty damn hot. Which I think his performance on guitar whilst singing ‘Behind Blue Eyes’ and ‘Free Bird’ will hush any doubters of my claim to his sexiness. Check this link for 'Behind Blue Eyes', well worth the watch http://tinyurl.com/6g38amx <video provided by You Tube> Anyway the reason I bring up Giles is because he shares the same affection for the hard copy Paper Book as I do, and he’s got a lot to say on the subject…and not afraid to say it.  So I’m gonna leave you with the best Giles quotes regarding his love of books and hatred towards “idiot boxes” because this is my blog page and that’s what I want to do, and on this site it’s only what I want that matters! ; P  
*Plus maybe I’ll convert back some paper book turncoats.

Deep Thoughts by Rupert Giles

Sn1 Ep6 – I Robot, You Jane
*Note for those who don’t know the show, Jenny Calendar is Sunnydales H.S.’s computer teacher and self proclaimed Techno-Pagan.

Jenny Calendar“Well, I think you’ll be very happy here with your musty old books.”
Giles“These musty old books have a great deal more to say then any of your fabulous web pages!”

….later that day,

JC “Honestly, what is it about them (computers) that bother you so much?”
Giles“The smell”
JC“Computers don’t smell Rupert.”
Giles“I know.  Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is.  A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten.  Books smell musty and rich.  The knowledge gained from a computer is….it has no texture.  No context.  It’s there and then it’s gone.  If it’s to last then the getting of knowledge should be tangible.  It should be uhm…smelly.”

Sn3 Ep11 Gingerbread
*Note, in this scene, Giles books have been confiscated leaving him to <gasp> resort to using a computer to research this episodes “Big Bad”

….Giles gets frustrated

Giles <typing loudly> “Session interrupted!? Who said you could interrupt you stupid, useless fad?! <Giles glares at the screen> I said fad! And I’ll say it again.”

….Xander and Oz walk in

Xander <watching Giles> “And at that point I will become frightened.  Take heart, we found your books.”
……Giles looks up with love in his eyes
Xander- "You can put your heart back.  We can’t get them; they’re locked up in City Hall."
……Giles looks like he is about to cry <annnnd …..Scene!>

Sn5 Ep11 Triangle
*Note Buffy and Giles are discussing whether it is worth asking the Watchers Council for help against this seasons “Big Bad”

Giles“The resources that the watchers council have at its disposal……<Giles looks off, lost in his book fantasy land> I mean, the central library alone is…”<Buffy cuts him off>
Buffy“Don’t talk about the books again! You get all……and sometimes you drool”


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Finding My Strengths

So for the class I’m taking right now, 21st Century Library Work Skills, thank you for asking, we are exploring our individual strengths.  It’s kinda like the different parts of our personalities that make us good at certain things.  The basis for learning this is to grow on what you are good at instead of focusing on your weaker aspects.  You can go so much further honing you strengths then trying to get your weaknesses to grow just as strong.  You’ll never get your weaknesses to grow past a certain point because talent in a certain area will help or prohibit this.  It’s like you can practice basketball till the cows come home, but if you don’t have the natural talent, you’ll never make it into the NBA.  Get it?  So for this week’s assignment we had to go on Strength Finders 2.0 and take a 30-minute test to determine what our top five strengths are.  Since I found this really interesting (and because I want to brag about myself) I decided to share this with you nice people who actually take the time to read my blogs.  After taking the Strength Finder Test, I was happy to find what my top five strengths are.  In ranking order they are Empathy, Intellection, Adaptability, Connectedness, and Learner.  That’s right bitches!  Intellection and Learner, and you all thought I was stupid. :P   I’m also actually really humble, but it didn’t pick that for me, so I feel I need to state that right now. Anywho’s here is a brief description of each area.

Empathy – With empathy, you basically try to put yourself in other people’s shoes to see how a situation affects them.  You can tune into other peoples emotions very easily and can sometimes even feel what they are feeling.  It is very centered around emotions and is not just about feeling bad for someone when they are down, you actually feel how they are feeling and can describe what they are going through as they go through it.  There is no judging in empathy, you can feel what someone is feeling and completely disagree with why they are feeling that way.  To me it’s kind of a respect thing; it goes back to the old adage “treat those as you would like to be treated”.  If you can truly live by those words, empathy will come easily to you.

Intellection – You would think that intellection is about being book smart, but that’s not exactly the best way to describe this strength.  Intellections like to think.  They are perfectly happy and content being alone with their thoughts.  Taking tests, polls, or solving problems for an intellection type personality is akin to exercises and training that athletes do to stay in shape and strengthen their skills.  It’s about pushing boundaries within yourself to see where your mind can take you.

Adaptability – Adaptability is about living in the moment.  You may think about the future, but planning for the future is not really your thing.  You take life one-step at a time and base your plans on what is going on at that moment.  You can understand that any plans you do make could and will change at any time and you are comfortable with that and expect it to happen.  You don’t necessarily make a list of goals for yourself because you prefer to focus on one thing at a time and then move on from there.  We do know that plans will change and we are pretty much ok with that.

Connectedness – With connectedness you are able to relate with all types of personalities.  You know that what you do can affect others and vice versa.  You have a belief in something spiritual that you know connects every living thing together on this earth into a whole.  It can, but doesn’t have to be a religious belief, that all depends on how you were raised.  You just know that you are a tiny little ant in the big scheme of things and there are things out there bigger then you, and you embrace that.  Connectedness is similar to empathy; they share some similar traits, such as being able to feel what others are feeling.  This helps bring people together and closes the gap that usually turns people away from getting to know other types of personalities.  You can usually get along with just about anybody because you are easily able to find ways to relate to other people.

Learner – A learner loves the process of getting to know as much information as possible about a subject that interests them.  We like to read and do research to expand our knowledge.  For a learner seeking knowledge is not about gain, we do it for ourselves because it makes us happy to learn new things.  Knowing nothing on a particular subject, to knowing everything there is to know on it, is a force that drives us.  It’s like if you were to go berry picking, the process of picking the berries and filling our basket is more exciting then the end result of having a basket full of berries.

I recommend taking the Strength Finder Test for anyone who is interested in this.  You do find out a lot about yourself that you never really took the time to discover before.  If anybody else has taken this, I’d be interested to know what results you got and if you agree with them.  Feel free to post a comment, I love a good debate! Now that I’m done patting myself on the back, I’m off to go watch some more 30 Rock. Laters!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

My Theory on what Really Happened to Ms. Kitty Fantastico

As you all know (if your Buffy fans) Ms. Kitty Fantastico seems to have disappeared part way through season 5, not unlike the famous Tiger from the Brady Bunch.  There have been many speculations as to what happened to our feline friend, and this would be my theory. Ms. Kitty Fantastico did not meet her fate impaled by a stray crossbow bolt like Dawn would have you believe.  In fact, the only reason Dawn believes this to be the case is because Willow in a fit of anger put one of her famous memory charms on Dawn making her think she’d left a crossbow lying around and that this crossbow was what did in poor little Ms. Kitty.  Why would Willow do that you ask?  It was revenge! For Dawn had taken a pair of Willows clogs without asking and had lost them then lied about having them in the first place.  You can’t lie to a witch, and you definitely shouldn’t piss one off!  Anyway, my story begins that fateful day when Glory busted into Tara ’s dorm room searching for “The Key”.   Buffy, Dawn, Willow, and the newly lobotomized Tara were about to have some lunch when Glory came upon them and the four girls were forced to abandoned the decimated room in order to keep the youngest Summers girls safe, and that is where Ms. Kitty’s life took a turn in a different direction….

It was dark out by the time Ms. Kitty Fantastico woke up from her Tuna Sandwich induced slumber. She’d been hiding under the bed since all the commotion earlier in the day.  She decided to make her move, she didn’t want to be there in case that strange woman, Glory, came back with her minions again.  She took a deep breath and made a mad dash for the missing wall that lead to the courtyard outside the building.  She stayed to the shadow, slinking as close as possible to the cement wall that made up the dorm she had once lived in as a sneaky cat.  She had no idea where she was gonna go or what she was gonna do.  Should she try to find Tara and Willow?  Should she try to find food and shelter first?  Should she try to make her dream of becoming a talking cat Disney cartoon character come true?  While she was slowly pondering her options, Spike came along and made her decision for her.  See Spike was feeling restless that night and wanted to fight or drink, or both.  When he saw Ms. Kitty Fantastico, he saw the opportunity to be included in Clem’s weekly poker game in the back room of Willy’s Place.  As you know, the only way to play poker at Willy’s was by betting with kittens instead of money.  He snatched up Ms. Kitty and hustled away into the night.  But Spike didn’t make it to Clem’s poker game.  Buffy caught him on his way; she had been searching for him.  Not wanting Buffy to ask unwanted questions about why he was smuggling a cat in his duster, he hastily let Ms. Kitty drop from his grasp where she immediately ran for the nearest alley to hide.

After finding a not so warm and dry corner to hide in, she stayed and slept until morning when the light would be up to guide her on her way.  She awoke to an old fat tabby named Bonkers staring at her.  He was twice her age, and as mean as he was ugly, but he ended up taking care of her and making sure her belly and pouch of catnip was full every day.  Ms. Kitty Fantastcio grew up pretty quick living in the Alley with Bonkers, with his help she turned into her alter-ego Trixie, and she quickly built up a strong clientele of ‘johns’ or I guess you would call them ‘toms’ since they were cats.   One day though Bonkers went out to hunt mice and never returned.  This was the second time in her life she’d been abandoned and she was starting to feel a bit self-conscious.  Why did no one want to stay with her?  What is she doing to push everyone away?  Was it the clumps of crap stuck in her fur because she lacked the resource of toilet paper?  She became utterly depressed and plunged her soul into her work, for where else would she find the happiness and acceptance she so desperately craved.   

Then one-day fortune fell at Ms. Kitty Fantastico’s paws.  One of her ‘toms’ happened to be a photographer for Play Kitty magazine and offered her a full picture spread….in exchange for free “service”.  She jumped on that opportunity….in more ways then one, and fast became a modeling sensation.

Ms. Kitty Fantastico's PlayKitty debut

Photo courtesy of PlayKitty
Photo courtesy of PlayKitty
As her career as a model took off and took her to many new places, so did her catnip problem, until one day she found out she was expecting a litter of kittens (three girls one boy).  It was at that point she decided to clean up her life so her babies wouldn’t be forced to follow the same path she lead.  She moved out of the Sunnydale/L.A. area to remove herself for the places and people that had helped enable her addiction.  She eventually married the father of her brood, although some speculate that there is more then one father for her litter.  She is now living happily off the fortune she made from her Play Kitty days.  She returned to Sunnydale once since she had left to try to find her old humans Tara and Willow, but unfortunately all she found was a large gash in the earth where the Hellmouth-y town once stood.   She was left wondering what happened to her old humans since her trail to find them ended so abruptly.  She has not tried to search for them since. 

Ms. Kitty with two of her daughters, Perfecto(left) and Joan(right)
These days Ms. Kitty Fantastico currently resides in Tijuana with her husband and four children, Magnifico, Perfecto, Supersticioso, and Joan.  Her life may have had it hardships and cat-astrophes, but Ms. Kitty finally found the home and companionship she so desperately craved since day one.

Thus ends the “real” story of Ms. Kitty Fantastico.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Writings from a Teenage me

Yeah I know, I’m suppose to be posting the last post in the trilogy of my youth-ly thoughts and deeds, but I’m just not feeling it right now.  I get distracted easily and in the words of Vamp Willow “Bored now” (If you don’t get that reference, I am so sorry that you have missed out on 7 seasons of awesomeness, if you do get that reference, then put that in your marzipan and smoke it bingo!) Anyway, I’ve decided to post something else that was written by the 17 year old me.  I was recently cleaning out one of my bookshelves and came across some old spiral notebooks that I used to write and draw in when I was a teen. Now I turn 33 tomorrow, so there have been quite a few years since these were written, and it’s been years since I last took a look at some of this stuff.  It’s funny that now a lot of the “dark despair” feelings I wrote about kinda make me laugh. Was I really that self-absorbed where I thought I was the only kid going through the whole “no one gets me, I’m so alone, poor me” phase? Apparently.  Oh well, at least I can laugh about it now.  Without further ado, here is a short story entitled ‘Silent Stalker’ I actually kinda like this one, it was one of my better-written stories…..which really isn’t saying much.  So from the pen of 17 year old me, here is ‘Silent Stalker’.

                                                Silent Stalker

Prowling the wasted badlands that were once a magnificent city forgotten, he stepped into the dark alleyway.  The smell of fear.  Darkness surrounded what little light the luminescent sky provided.  He is a predator, the silent stalker, takeing lives to complete his own. 
The dark figure of a man slithered from a passageway that seemed to disappear just as fast as it had appeared, creating the perfect illusion.  Blood dripped from his powder-incrusted nose.  The predator saw this, smelled it, felt it on his lips.  A grin appeared half cocked in the corner of his mouth.  He watched, waited silently for the dark figures next move.  He liked playing games, tonight it would be Chess.  This game he liked in particular, the thrill and anticipation of watching his opponent positioning himself just right for a surprise attack.  The dark figure began to move, he stumbled blindly over old cardboard boxes that had once housed vagrant souls.  
Standing in his attack position, sweat dripped from the predators’ brow. Waiting was torture.  Just a few…more…steps. Checkmate! Blood dripped from the predators’ mouth as he watched the dark figure’s lifeless body hit the ground for the last time.  He had life again and he was still the silent stalker.

Here are a couple more good ones.  Here I’m trying to be more artsy and less fartsy, I have to say, I was really deep as a teen, lol.  Very emo.

                        Behind Green Eyes

Oh what a twisted web we weave, when at first we practice to deceive
With tangled webs of hope and despair, clinging to you gently without a care
With raindrop oceans of the blackest sewage, killing you quickly with hatred and power
Gnawing at your brain leads the old man home, without a care to whom he knows
Female eyes of green decay, shine fourth golden light from the darkest night
The stars up in heaven and the fires down in hell created a child, the earth raised her well.

                                         Tears like Jewels

A thousand eyes sneak down upon you, beneath you lies I think I’ve found you
Tears like jewels run from my eyes, the world you gave me was all a lie
With your witchy words and your demon heart, the Devils Knell will tare you apart
Like deer in a headlight you’ve frozen me, then struck me down in your misery
Tears like jewels run down my cheek, all my life have I been this weak?

This next one is my interpretation of one of the very few nightmares I’ve had in my life.  This one I remember cause it was on New Years eve/Day of 1999 going into 2000.

I had a nightmare last night 
Great way to start the New Year
Why they didn't kill me i don't know 
I thought I was safe
I was in my house
I looked in the bathroom
Blood everywhere
He thought we were playing a joke on him
My family is downstairs
I thought it was over
Then they came for me
They came closer to my house
They were going to kill my family
I had no way to stop them
I shouted
Then it was just black

Ok, ok I won’t torture you guys anymore.  I just find my teen self very amusing and thought you all might too.  If I don’t post again for a while, have a great summer folks!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Weird things I thought or did as a kid: Age 7-12yrs

We all said, thought, or did stupid/weird/strange things as kids.  I decided to share with you some of the crazy shit that I thought or did as a kid.  I’m gonna break it down into three blogs by age.  This is the second part to the triad of my life.  Now that I’ve entered my school years, a healthy overactive imagination was frowned upon by most, so there won’t be so much thoughts I’ve had, but more things I did.  Most of my adventures deal with my siblings, and/or my friend “J” who lived down the street and was my collaborator throughout both of our childhood.  Our friendship started out with him being the one with the “ideas” that influenced me, as we got older, the roles reversed and I was the “bad” influence.  Strange how things turn out.

Dares my Siblings “Made” me do
The most famous of dares, my parents still chuckle about, I was 7 or 8 I think, and my brother and sister dared me to pull down my pants and dance a little jig in front of a window facing the street and our neighbors.  I don’t remember if any neighbors actually saw my cute little bare ass wiggling back and fourth, but my parents found out cause my sibs told on me….jerks.  I think the fact that my parents told my grandparents and aunts and uncles as an amusing story was punishment enough.  You can’t just back down from a dare! Even if it’s grossly disgusting, which leads me to another dare from the sibs that came about one sunny spring day. The dare was to pick up a dried up piece of dog poop that had been lying in our yard all winter and was now white washed from the sun, I picked it up…and again got in trouble.  Some how I was missing the pattern that if I did the dares, my sibs were just setting me up to get me in trouble by promptly telling my parents what I had just done.  Another dare I remember had to do with a jar of rocks in water my brother had collected from the UP on a visit to our grandparents.  I don’t know why the rocks were in water, it could have been water from the lake at my grandparents house, kids collect and cherish strange things sometimes for reasons only they can justify.  Now this jar had been sitting on a shelf in our garage for probably years.  I was dared to open the lid and take a sip of the water, it was the grossest thing I’ve ever tasted, so horrid I couldn’t even try to explain it.  Kinda earthy and sour, if you ever come across a vintage jar of “Rock Water” I really don’t recommend it, go for the Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945, I hear it's exquisite!  Plus the hangover the next morning isn’t as painful as “Rock Water”.

Tale of the 1st Grade puddle
One day at school, there were construction workers working on the roof of my school, and you could hear them up there drilling and hammering away.  I had to pee really badly, so I asked the teacher for the bathroom pass.  When I got there, there was another girl at the sink washing her hands, she told me to “watch out because the construction workers drilled holes into the ceiling and they can watch us pee”.  Well, I wasn’t gonna give them the opportunity to catch me with my pants down around my ankles, I was a modest kid…except for the window butt dance thing, so I chickened out, and went back to class.  I tried so hard and for so long to hold it in, but small bladder plus too much juice at breakfast was my bane, eventually the floodgates opened.  Nobody noticed at first, but then I heard the dreadful words utter from a boy the next seat over. “Teacher, there’s a puddle under her desk, I think she peed!”  Not my best moment, but this is the only time I remember ever peeing my pants….as a kid.  I tried to pass it off as spilled water; maybe it was the fact that I had asparagus for dinner the night before, or the fact that water isn’t yellow, but I couldn’t get my teacher to believe me. My teacher sent me to the nurse so they could call my mom to bring me a clean pair of pants.  I remember while waiting for my mom to come and rescue me, the nurse had me stand in the bathroom with my butt waving skywards pointed towards the hot air hand dryers.  Yeah…lets just say I was glad I was only in that school the one year.  I’m sure I was know as “the girl who was here for one year who peed and puked in class” for the rest of those kids school career.  Oh yeah, side note on that puking thing. I also puked during a music class that year, not the same day thankfully, but it was just as traumatic, with the splattering and the splash back, I kinda feel bad for the poor kids I went to school with that year.

Bike Tag
I don’t know how any of us played this without getting a broken bone somewhere, but we invented a new game, Bike Tag.  It was tag on your bikes.  We played on our street and had to make sharp turns weaving in and out of each other to get away from the person who was “It”.  There was crashing and grabbing, and kicking, and all this at a fast paced 3-5 miles an hour! I seriously have no idea how none of us got hurt playing this.


Summer and Winter Fun with Garbage Bags

Hee hee hee, we had so much fun, and spare time, (with garbage bags) when we were kids.  I know we weren’t the first, and we certainly won’t be the last, but we made a slip and slide out of garbage bags.  It didn’t last long, and my mom made us throw it out as soon as she got home from work and saw what we were up to, but the four of us kids bonded as we worked together and failed to make a decent homemade slip and slide. Now in the winter, we would try to use the same theory as the slip and slide and make a sled with a garbage bag. This was definitely trial and error.  The first proto type, we laid the bag down flat and laid on top trying to keep it taut as we “slid” down the hill.  Yeah, easier said then done.  Second wave we tried a new tactic, we wore the thin plastic bag like a potato sack and rode down the hill on our butts.  Nope, that just brought about a massive wave of bruised butts from the ice laced snow.  For the third time at bat, we took a big piece of cardboard, put it inside the bag, then like proto type one, we laid on top and prayed it would work.  Not bad, it worked for the most part, but it just wasn’t as fast and shiny as the other kids store bought sleds, so we’d just “borrow” theirs for a while.  We got to sled, and they were forced to do something nice for another, so it was a win-win for every body! :D

What in This Garage is Flammable?

My partner in crime my whole youth was a boy who lived down the street, we’ll just call him J.  When we were bored and his parents weren’t home, we’d go into his garage, and pick random spray cans or car fluids containers, and see which of them were flammable, and if they made pretty colors when lit.  We’d choose our favorites, then we’d make a nice pattern or design on the garage floor with them and would then light ‘em up and fun was had by all.  I still can’t believe his dad never busted us, we hid our mess, not so well under the cardboard his dad placed on the garage floor to keep leaking car fluids from staining the cement floor.  I’m also surprise we didn’t do any serious damage…don’t play with fire kids, not unless your supervised by a “mature” adult.

So years 7-12 has come to an end.  Don’t worry, age 13-18 is coming next week.  I expect you all to be waiting with baited breath!

* This post is dedicated to my Loki boy.  Thank you for the 11 years of soft kitty nudges, loud purring in my ear, and your never ending unconditional love.  I’ll see you again my furry little buddy! Dec 6 1999 – May 28 2011 * 

Monday, May 16, 2011

Weird things I thought or did as a kid: Age 0-6yrs

We all said, thought, or did stupid/weird/strange things as kids.  I decided to share with you some of the crazy shit that I thought or did.  I’m gonna break it down into three blogs by age.  This being the first will be age 0-6.  Now I needed help remembering some of my quirks from when I was really little, so I had asked my siblings through email, to help me “remember” some of the more interesting things I’ve done.  Yeah…I’m thinking this idea…not so good. My one sister replies back to me in less then 2 minutes with a long ass list that took me an hour to read.  Thanks sis!  Sarcasm* In my defense, I did have “inspiration” in the form of two older sisters and one older brother.  Some of the “inspiration” did come in dare form, it’s an unspoken law, that if your older sibs dare you to do something, well, you better damn well do it, or suffer the wrath of a loud, putrid, dank belch blown in your face, or worse…much worse.  Torture by gas was a big thing in my Family while growing up, you either dealt it, or tried your hardest not to be the victim of it.  Ahh, the memories!  Any who, please proceed below to age 0-6…

Age 0-6  

My Theory of How and Why I Was the Youngest Child of Four

I had a theory when I was little that my brother and sisters chained me up to the inside of my mom’s belly, so that I would be born last. I remember “accusing” them of their treachery on more then one occasion.  I gotta say though, I’m still not totally convinced that my theory is wrong.  I’ve found that there may be a motive to back up my mad ravings.  New evidence has been brought to my attention recently from a one Robert A. Fett.  Mr. Fett has informed me that when my sibs and I were younger and played make believe Star Wars, that I was always duped into playing R2D2 or an Ewok.  It’s obvious none of my older siblings wanted to play these roles, which only the shortest among us could play, so they schemed a scheme and it played out as they had planned.  I was born last for the sole purpose of being a non-speaking, short, sidekick in our playtime adventures. All I’ll say is be worried my sib’s….be very worried!  You have no idea what I have in store for you in the distant future….

Bedtime Trauma

I don’t remember how old I was, but I went to bed once with a Barbie doll clutched in my tiny little toddler arms.  In my tussling and tumbling of sleep, one of Barbie’s appendages jammed itself into my eye, I remember not being able to open my eye, and I think I had a black eye for a few days, but no major harm was done. Barbie did apologize to me after an emotional monologue, that seemed to drag on forever and ever…bitch can talk!  I forgave her, and it never happened again…so far.  I also was known to go to bed with gum in my mouth, which decidedly ended up in my hair by the morning.  Then there was another bedtime type paranoid thought I remember, that used to swim through my brain nightly, well mostly in the summer time, it used to freak me out.  We lived up north in the UP, in a house in the middle of the woods with only two or three houses remotely spaced on an old dirt road.  Yeah….wild animals were an every day occurrence for us.  I remember my crib/bed was in close proximity to the window, so I had crazy thoughts that raccoons, just raccoons for some reason, would come in through the window and claw at my face.  That never happened either, as far as I know…

The Movie ‘On Golden Pond’ Vs My Grandparents

I Thought the Movie ‘On Golden Pond’ Was Based on my Grandma and Grandpa.  For those of you who have seen the movie, you may understand the method to my tiny child minded madness.  For those who haven’t, just try to keep up, or move to the next section. Ok, so my grandparents live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, the UP, when I was little, they had the most amazing house built right on a lake. * FACT ‘On Golden Pond’ takes place at a “grandparents” house built on a, yep you guessed it, a pond. (It’s kinda like a lake, ok!?.. So just go with it!)  * FACT In ‘On Golden Pond’ the grandpa’s name is Norman; my grandpa’s name is Norman.  * FACT Norman in the movie went fishing on the pond their house was built on a lot, my grandpa went fishing on the lake a lot. * FACT In the movie they go swimming in the pond, we went swimming in the lake at my grandparents.  I think you can see where this is going, so yeah in my infantile mind, I was convinced the movie was based on my grams and gramps…it wasn’t though.

I Ate Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches with Style!

Yeah, for some reason when I’d eat a PB&J, I’d start right in the middle and work my way straight back. I guess it was my way around the gross crust part that all kids hate, but I did gain something from my technique, I’d be sporting a jelly beard with jelly hair gel in my baby ‘fro for the rest of the day, or until my mom took me out back and hosed me down. 

Ah…the start of 12 years of hell

On my first full day of school ever, the teacher was asking the class how they would be taking lunch that day. When it was my turn she asked if I was gonna have “hot” lunch (cafeteria eatin) or if I was gonna have “cold” lunch (brown baggin). I had no idea why she was asking me, my response was “Um, I don’t know, I think it’s kinda warm.” Yeah, I was brown bagging it that day, didn’t know I was suppose to proclaim I was having a “cold” lunch.


Care Bear Swim Time!

I took my care bear into the kiddy pool with me once, don’t know why, don’t care, we had fun swimming in the sun!  Poor Grumpy Bear though, he was never the same after my mom un-waterlogged him in the dryer. He didn’t quite trust me as much after that.
*BTW, I’m really hoping that my parents got me Grumpy Bear because I liked the color blue as a kid, and not because I was a grumpy kid….lol, I totally was a grumpy kid, I wouldn’t blame them if they had!

Well that’s age 0-6 folks, stay tuned for next week we continue with ages 7-12…

Monday, April 11, 2011

My Adventurous Day Meeting Amber Benson and The Bean…in Chicago

April 9th, 2011 has got to be one of the most funtastic, best days I’ve had in a long, long time!  I had planned to ride into Chicago for a book signing by the fabulous Amber Benson at Challengers Comics (great shop and very friendly employees by the way), and to earn my exploring/adventure badge as well.  My Partner in Crime on this day was (I don’t like using real names without permission), we’ll call him Chewie, cause of course I’d be Han Solo…in female form. Han Sola maybe?  Any who, Chewie also fits because he (my PiC) is so tall and usually sports a badass beard. So he’s, tall, hairy, and rocks a wicked ammo belt across his chest, it’s only natural to refer to him as Chewie in this story. *BTW, Chewie if your reading this, I hope you’re not offended, be proud I consider you among the Wookie Class*

Chewie and I started our day out taking the blue line CTA into the city. I live in a suburb not too far away, so I could’ve easily driven, but I can never find parking in the city, and my stupid high school didn’t teach me to parallel park cause they figured “Why would they need to learn that?  Waste of Time. Waste of money. They live in the suburbs, parallel parking doesn’t exist here.” …..Jerks.  *Side note, since I use “Jerks” in pretty much all my blogs, Imma pull a Charlie Sheen and try to copy write it, so I don’t wanna hear about anyone using “Jerks” but me, or I’ll have to start a one-woman tour where I sit on stage and allow people to laugh with me when in actuality they are laughing at me.  Who wants that? Not me, so leave “Jerks” alone!  Thank you*  Whew, I think that was my longest…sidebar…ever!  Any who, again, so the train it was, it was a lot less stress then driving and it kinda felt like being on a really boring roller coaster, so it was a win-win!  So the train ride was fun, nothing exciting happened, except that we found out, thanks to the many posters hanging up, that there is a sequel to ‘Hoodwinked’ with Cheech and Chong in it.  I think I might see it just for those two! 

 So now finally, we arrived at Western and walked the 10 feet to the front door of Challengers Comics, at this point I was super excited.  I’d become a huge Amber Benson fan from ‘Buffy’ of course!  But then one day, I’m minding my own business when the ‘Ghosts of Albion’ web series, co-created by Amber Benson and Christopher Golden, suddenly pops up on my screen. Now it may have been a beer hallucination (don’t make fun of me people, I don’t drink that often, so when I do, weird things happen, okay?  Let’s just move on!), or a ghostly presence trying to send me a message, or it may have been the fact that I typed in the site address and hit play, but whatever caused it to cross my path, I got hooked on in! It was amazing, the animation reminded me of watching a comic book, very cool! The story takes place in the 1800’s and can be very dark at times.  It’s about a brother and sister who are inducted into a family legacy to protect the mythical Albion.  I won’t go into more detail cause I really think you should watch the series and read the books, but one thing I wanted to mention is one of the things I love most about this series, the ghosts. There are three in particular that make up part of the hero circle in the story, they fight beside William and Tamara to protect their beloved land. See I like this, because I’ve always had a fascination with anything paranormal, and in most books, movies, and TV programs, they give ghosts a bad rap.  They’re usually always in the bad spotlight as the monster, demon, or plain old bad guy.  As someone who believes; there are many different kinds of spirits, entities, and ghost, what ever you want to call them.  It’s just nice to see them in a good helpful kinda role for once.  * To watch the series, just Google ‘Ghosts of Albion’, for the books, buy them, or check them out at your local Library*  

So now that I learned Amber Benson can also add great writer to her long listed resume.  “Is there anything she can’t do?” you may ask, I honestly don’t know people; we’ll just have to wait and find out together.  Any who, so then I found out about ‘Death’s Daughter’ and after reading it, I was hooked…again!  I think I love it so much because it’s got all the elements I love in the genres of books I read.  I could compare it to the ‘Percy Jackson’ series, but that wouldn’t be fair to Callie.  Her adventures are much more exciting, and this is definitely not a kids book, I personally like the “dirty bits”.  ;)  It’s a new world I was introduced to and the best part of this series is the mythology.  I’m pretty well read on Greek mythology, so when I read about some of the Hindu mythology in ‘Death’s Daughter’ and Egyptian Mythology in ‘Cat’s Claw’, it opened a whole new world of information for me to lose myself in.  Just read the series, if you don't like it, you can punch me in the arm.  Seriously.  Come and punch me in the arm, I bruise easily and may cry, so for me to be willing to take that risk, it means something. But now I’m babbling, which I tend to do in type form.  So….

 Ok, I think I was at the part where Chewie and I arrived at the store.  We were early which was a good thing, cause we just barely made it into the crowed room where the reading and Q&A took place.  I’m so glad I made it for that.  Amber is very entertaining when she is reading a passage from her book, especially when she stopped for a second to point out all the sports analogies she’d unknowingly wrote in that particular section. (When Callie and Marcel are fighting on the platform..for those who’ve read the book) That little conversation turned into her talking about how her editor told her WWF (for wrestling) doesn’t exist any more, it is now WWE, which brought about how WWF stands for World Wildlife Fund, which strangely segued into talking about panda’s pile driving each other as the real reason there aren’t too many around anymore.  I’m just gonna say, the banter between her and Patrick Brower (Co-owner of Challengers) had the whole crowd in tears (of laughter, not disappointment people, don’t put words in my mouth!).  I want to make one quick mention before I move on the signing part of this adventure.  During the Q&A a gentleman asked a question and stated he worked as a librarian for middle school age kids.  Amber stopped him for a second to 1) give him a nice round of applause for his occupation, and 2) to state how important libraries are to a community….she is a card carrying citizen after all.  I just loved that; I’m trying to get myself as fast as I can through my remaining classes so I can get my Librarian Technical Assistant cert.  I’ve got lots of love and respect for all types of Libraries, so I just thought it was really cool of her to mention the importance of them.

 Any who, well now it was time for the signing portion of this day’s entertainment.  I’d been telling myself all week, “don’t act like a dork!” “don’t fangirl out”  “don’t act like a spaz or she’ll tell you that you can no longer be her fan”  Um, I’m hoping I didn’t act like a dork, but I probably did.  I’m pretty shy and quiet in person, especially when there are lots of people i don't know around. I express myself better through typing, and the whole experience went so quick, I honestly don’t remember what I said.  I remember mentioning my cat that looks like a reverse skunk, so yeah, I probably did act like a dork.  In fact yeah, I know I did, when taking a picture of her and Chewie, I actually said “Say Cheese” ~ face palm ~  Wow! No ones ever said that before! (Imma Dork)  I have to say she was way cool though, she signed my Viagra wall clock “To Tina Lot’s of love to a “stand up” gal, love Amber ‘Tara’ from buffy” and when I asked if she wouldn’t mind signing one more book for me, she immediately told me “bring em all out, I’ll sign them all!”  I had to listen to her, I mean come on its Amber Benson, she tells you to do something, you better do it!  So basically every book of hers I own and my Viagra wall clock have her name written all over them!  I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone touch them now, second thought I don’t even want anyone to look at them. Look away people! (Sorry, Spinal Tap reference) Ok, so the moral of this portion of my story is, if you love all things comics or graphic novel, go to Challenger Comics when in Chicago, you won’t be disappointed!  They are located on Western near Milwaukee.  Also if your not a fan already, seriously consider becoming an Amber Benson fan, she is super sweet, what the definition of “Keeping it Real” should be, very down to earth, you can tell she loves and remembers her fans, and meeting her didn’t feel like meeting a celeb at all, it was like chatting with a friend. On that note, I just want to say that she was my first celeb meeting, I was really, really nervous and I do appreciate the fact that she was very gentle with me. 
                      I would like to point out that i am not a photogenic person,
                               Especially when standing next to Amber Benson.
                                                  I would also like to add,
                      that this camera adds 30lbs...to just me...for some reason....

So the second, and probably much shorter part of the story of my and Chewies adventure will continue here.  We decided since we had an all day train pass, that we would go exploring.  I wanted to see The Bean (real name ‘Cloud Gate’) cause I haven’t seen it up and close yet.  I knew we had to get off on Washington and walk a few blocks to get there, I just didn’t know which direction to go.  I took a not so educated guess, and we ended going the right way.  Us Cancers have pretty good intuition at times.  So we came, we saw, we took pictures…of the Bean. After walking around a bit, trying to find those walls with the animated faces that spit water at you, and not finding them, we decided to head back toward the train.  Oddly on the way back, we ended up walking right towards the giant creepy faces.  After having our fun of trying to figure out how it worked (it has to be projected from the inside), we for real this time headed back to the train. 
                                                                                                    *under the Bean looking up
But not before a roving gang of Segway riders in matching colored helmets (that’s how you know their a legit street gang) came barreling towards us. There had to be at least fifteen of them against the two of us.  I didn’t know what to do, I looked at Chewie and he just stared at them with a look of terror in his eyes.  It took us a minute, but then we realize, what the hell are they gonna do to us? So we had a laugh and continued on.  But the Segway people were still lurking around the area.  Turns out they stopped at the Bean, to harass tourists I assumed, which was right by the intersection we had to cross. The two wheeled hell hounds came barreling right for us again.  I just thank the powers that be, that the green hand on the traffic sign waved us across the street and out of harms way of the hurtling 10mph machines of death.  Whew, that was enough excitement for one day.  We boarded the train and rode back to Rosemont where my car was waiting like a good little puppy, and drove into the sunset.  It was hard to see because of that, I’m just glad we made it home alive to tell the tale. Lola is now over and out. Later peeps.

 ** I do want to add one quick plea to parents with toddlers.  I almost had a heart attach at one of the train stations.  We were walking towards the stairs and there was a wall that blocked our view of the rest of the platform in front of us.  I’m about to climb the stairs when I see a little boy about 2 or 3 years old.  I didn’t see any adults within 5 feet of him, I couldn’t see past the wall.  He started to step closer to the edge of the platform; he was well into the blue line and inches from the edge.  I was preparing to move and pull him back and see where his parents were, when I saw a hand shoot from behind the wall and grab him before he got any closer.  People please, please watch you little ones.  It’s probably not my place to say anything, because I’m not a mother, nor do I have any inclinations to be a mother (no offense kids), but please, common sense, keep your toddlers and little ones with in eyesight and arms length when near potentially dangerous situations. **

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Chicago Wolves Hockey

So recently my family and I went to our yearly Chicago Wolves Hockey game. March 26th, The Wolves vs. The Hamilton Bulldogs. Every year my dad’s buddy “Uncle” (I don’t like to use real names without permission) gets a huge group together and we take up a few rows on center ice behind the penalty box.   I have to say this year was one of the best so far.  I’m not a huge hockey fan, I do enjoy it, it does not bore me like baseball does, but I have to say going to a Wolves game is so much fun.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re all Blackhawk fans in my family, us Chicagoans are very, very, loyal to our teams (Cubs anyone?)  I’ve also never been to a Blackhawks game before because the only tickets I could afford would be in the nose bleed section, and I would imagine that it would just look like a bunch of red ants running really fast back and forth.  So I don’t have the comparison to say this, but I will, Wolves games are a lot more fun to go to then Hawks games.  No matter what seat you get, you get a great close view of the rink, and it doesn’t take long to walk to the concession area for more beer and dippin dots.  Yummm those go great together.  So I’m gonna go over some of the nights highlights.

First, the team introduction is just amazing.  There are lasers, fireworks, and lots o’ pyrotechnics being shot from the scoreboard and the wolves paws they use as an alley to introduce the starting players, all to the soundtrack up Motley Crews, Kick Start my Heart.  It is A-Maz-Ing!  I especially love the pyrotechnics, I have a love affair with fire, I’d be content staring at a bonfire for hours (easily amused).  When the flames shoot out of the paws, you can feel the heat hit you immediately. I always wonder how it doesn’t melt some of the ice. And if that wasn’t enough, large flames and fireworks are blasted from the top of the scoreboard that hangs over center ice. The only thing that worries me every year is that the stadium ceiling is wood…..what if the flames shoot too high?  If a fire started, someone would scream, then I’d scream, we’d all scream, I’d be anarchy.

The game started out with a bang.  20 seconds in we had the first penalty of the night, 7 minutes in we had the best Hockey fight I’ve personally have ever seen.  Don’t know what started it, and I don’t care, I just saw the gloves come off and immediately jumped up to shout my support, which I probably shouldn’t repeat right now to keep this clean. Now I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover ; ) I try to avoid fights or arguments like they were STD’s (in case my sisters and brother are reading this….Shut Up! I do not argue…jerks) but when it comes to hockey and players fighting, I turn into Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother.  It was a great fight though, jerseys were grabbed, rabbit punches were thrown, it lasted about a minute before our guy got the enemy down on the ice and the refs were then forced to break it up.  It was awesome while it lasted!  That was probably the most exciting part of the game except for the overtime shootout to end the game.  I loves me a shootout!

Since the rest of the game was relatively calm, I will now include my highlights of observations during the game, one being, seeing a guy two rows up who totally resembled George Clooney.  It wasn’t him.  I shouted George!! a few times and quickly looked away.  My friend told me he didn’t turn around, so sadly I don’t think it was him. On second thought, I’m starting to think maybe it was him, so now I think the only thing I can do is to officially start an internet rumor that George Clooney is deaf……or he’s just really good at ignoring annoying-people-that-just-downed-a-beer-when-they-really-don’t-drink-very-often-so-this-person-was-like-really-really-totally-buzzed-at-the-time-so-you-can’t-blame-her-for-trying, that shout his name really loud and then quickly look in the other direction….at a hockey game.  Yeah, I bet it was that second explanation.

I found this very amusing, listening to my sweet very passive sister-in-law yell at the player; she’s a big hockey fan.  It was entertaining for me, because she has conditioned herself to watch her language, not that she normally uses foul language, so she doesn’t pass any bad words or thought on to my handsome little nephew, and my “getting more gorgeous everyday” niece.  - Side note, my niece will be turning 15 this summer, she was born the year I graduated high school, that doesn’t depress me.  Watching the cute adorable little girl turn into a beautiful young lady is what does it.  I miss my cute little toddler niece, but I couldn’t be prouder of the young lady she’s turning into. - Any who back to my sis-in-law.  Since she never ever uses obscene language, I was getting a kick out of hearing “Oh goodness gracious, what are you doing?  Go after the puck!” “Oh for Pete’ sake! Get the puck! What are you doing?!”  “Gosh darn it, do you even know how to play hockey?!”  I may be exaggerating a little (a little) but I found it cute and hi-larious.

 Watching a man try to lift his 3 or 4-year-old son over the seats while holding a beer, and spilling a bit of the beer on the poor kids head.  He quickly “brushed” it away, and all was good.  The only thought that popped into my head was him being stopped by security “Sir why does your 3 year old boy smell like beer?  Has he been drinking?  He’s not walking so straight.”(You know, cause little kids walk funny.  Come on I’m not the only one to notice that, they walk around like little drunk babies most of the time.  BTW I have weird scenarios that would never happen, coursing through my brain ALL THE TIME.   At least I find them entertaining)

 The Chuck a Puck promo. You can purchase these orange pucks with numbers on them before the game starts for a promo.  During the second intermission, the officials put some targets on the ice and tell every one to “chuck their puck”.  If it hits a target, you win a gift certificate for a certain amount of money.  Ok, I don’t know who invented this promo, but it is a lawsuit waiting to happen.  I admit, it was pretty cool to look up and see hundreds of orange pucks flying high above my head like a gaggle of round orange arrows, but people were having their kids throw them, and come on kids can’t throw for crap.  There was many a puck that didn’t even hit the ice at all, and probably hit some poor fan in the head instead. Seriously, I know hockey fans are the toughest fans out there (except for the world wide Soccer (in the US) football (everywhere else) fans) but WTF were they thinking with this promo?

 All night long they were pimping out cute little pups and doggies that need a good home, I think there were only 5 left that weren’t adopted by the end of the night.  But it was just too cute watching the pups walk out onto the ice, then decide right away “crap I don’t like the cold on my paws” There were some very cute critters, and if I had a bigger apartment, or preferably a house with a big backyard, I would have scooped up the remaining pups for myself.  On that note, there are tons of good loving pets just waiting to be adopted by a loving family.  If you are thinking of sharing your home with a furry little creature, please, please consider looking at a shelter first.  Adult critters need some love too!

During the first intermission they had the Pink Panther youth hockey league play a quick 10-minute game.  I’m assuming it is an all girl league, or there just happened to be a lot of longhaired boys. So basically, Rock On girls!  The whole “this” is for boys and “that” is for girls thinking is finally becoming extinct.  Do what you love no matter what “gender” you are.  Boys go learn ballet or play with Barbie’s if it makes you happy, girls, go play video games and hockey, it’s what you love and want to do that matters.  Don’t let TV or society at large tell you what you should or shouldn’t like.  Wait I should probably add, do what you want as long as it doesn’t harm, maim, or disfigure anyone else.  The point is for you to be happy without making others feel bad.

The Kiss Cam.  I love this bit!  I’m sure you’ve all seen it at stadiums around the world.  They show two people up on the scoreboard enshrined in a heart shape boarder, and practically pressure people to make out on command.  The best ones are when it’s an older couple and the guy goes to kiss the girl, but she turns away or pushes him away, it always cracks me up (easily amused).  Every time I see this bit though, I can’t help but wonder, what if the camera centers on a brother and sister who happen to be sitting next to each other.  Awkward!

That’s it for the highlights now.  I just want to add one tiny dislike of the night.  The music they play is great; it’s mostly Rock with a bit of Pop stuff here and there.  I’m a rocker, always have been, always will be, but I consider my music taste to be pretty eclectic.  I was nodding my head and tapping my foot to songs that I normally don’t listen to, but when they played Miley Cyrus ‘Party in the USA’ that was the grossest thing I have ever experienced at a hockey game!  Come on, Miley Cyrus? You can do better then that!  Well folks, that’s about all I gots to say about that. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that The Wolves won 3-2 in an overtime shootout.  Thank you for reading, Lola out.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Animals on the Roadways: An Important PSA that could Save your Life! (well not really yours, more the animals lives)

Ok, now that spring is officially here and the weathers getting warmer, birds and bees are starting to play nice together again.  Bambi’s and Thumpers are starting to twitter pate, or whatever the hell it is they do with each other.  I think it is time for a PSA. That’s Public Service Announcement not Public Sex Act for those of you who are acronym-ically challenged.  Today’s PSA is going to be on Road Kill. Yup Road Kill. But not in a ‘hey ten points if you hit that rabbit’ kinda Road Kill PSA.  This is a friendly PSA (for now).  So as I was sayin, the weathers getting nicer and animals large and small are starting to shed off the last dregs of snow on their cute furry hides.  They will be back on their trails skittering this way and that in search of food and love.  These trails, which were theirs in the first place, will on many occasions cross over onto “our” roads.  ~ History Lesson: Most roads today were already here from settlers’ trails, but the trails didn’t originate with the settlers trailing from one outpost to the next.  The trails originated from animals foraging for food.  That is why most trails and modern roads at some point lead up to or next to a river or body of water. End History Lesson ~

So basically what I’m trying to say peeps, is that we need to acknowledge the fact that animals will eventually cross our paths on the roadways.  The question is are you going to be that careless ass? or a caring ass-embly of people? (Sorry for the lame attempt at a joke) cont: Ok, don’t get me wrong here, accidents happen, I can see how a squirrel or a rabbit can dart out into the road from practically no where.  It happens and I always feel bad, that there’s not much you can do with out slamming on the brakes and potentially causing a car accident. I don’t like it, it happens, I’ll forgive, but as long as it was an accident, don’t go aiming for the poor things.

 But there are other animals out there that aren’t as darty and fast as said squirrel and rabbit.  Raccoons and possums I see a lot, they are larger and slower, they don’t exactly dart at you.  Now I do take into consideration that they are nocturnal and may not be as easy to see at night.  But this is where it is up to you to take the responsibility to at least try to prevent a raccoon/possum massacre.  Headlights can help light up the roadway and the eyes of the creatures in question.  If you see them, please brake, or if it is too late to brake, swerve (as long as it’s not into a tree or another car) The raccoon and possum babies will thank you and they won’t have to ask that awkward question to mama raccoon/possum “Momma, why doesn’t Daddy come home anymore?  Does he not love us?” and in order to spare their feelings by telling them their Dad is dead, she replies “Yes sweetheart your Daddy hates you and never wants to see you ever again.”  Do we really want this scenario to play out people?

 All right moving on to a slightly larger animal that I see on the side of the road ALL the time, is the common Canadian Goose.  This I don’t get at all, this is just out of meanness.  I mean if you ever had to wait for a line of geese to mosey across the street, you obviously know how flippin slow these birds walk.  Basically if you hit and kill a Goose, you’re an asshole.  Yup it’s true. You are a 100% narcissistic, impatient Asshole!  Nothing will ever change my mind on that.  Yeah I know, geese can be annoying, they poop on everything and honk at you if you even look at them, but do they really deserve to get hit by a car?   Does any animal?  Does anyone?

 Now the last animal I will bring up is one of the larger of Road Kill you will see. (Especially driving down the back roads in Wisconsin)  The White Tail Deer.  I hate seeing them dead on the road, but these guys I’ve seen in action, they’re fast, they come out of nowhere, and they pack a mean punch.  Usually it’s not you that hits the deer, but the deer that hits you.  So this I cannot blame you if you accidentally hit a Deer, accidentally being the key word. Besides, I truly don’t believe anyone would deliberately hit a deer, seeing as the deer would totally tear your car apart.

 So to recap, accidents do happen, rabbits, squirrels, deer, all speedy shifty creatures that can and will surprise you, so just keep your guard up when driving and do the best you can not to squash them.  Next, Raccoon, and Possums, they are slower but come out at night, so they have the darkness against them.  Just know that when you are in an area inhabited by them to just keep a careful watch at night.  Lastly, Geese, there is no excuse, they’re big and slow and I’ve never personally seen one cross a street at night, so you can’t use that as an excuse buddy.  If you hit a Goose, you’re a Heartless Asshole, sorry, but it’s true.  So please be careful when driving and brake for our furry and feathered friends.  Not fish though; they have no business being on the road. Stupid fish with their stupid gills and stupid scales and stupid floppy bodies and mouths that open and close like their gasping for air ……*author shudders as a chill trickles down her spine*  I don’t like fish.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Why I think my cat is part Wookie

I think my cat is part Wookie

My youngest cat has to be part Wookie, no doubt about it.  The evidence is overwhelming! So I’ve gathered up some evidence, because no one believes me that my cat is a descendent of the Wookies of Kyyshak.  

First I’m going to bring up her temperament.  Now Wookies are known for their short tempers and unpleasant dispositions.  My cat - we’ll call her “Lola” to keep her identity hidden is one of the bitchest cats I’ve ever met in my life.  Her death stare is so intense she can look at you, and make you suddenly want your mommy.  She’s mean, she’s bullies my other cat, and she isn’t the most pleasant smelling. -That has nothing to do with my theory; I just had to call her out on it. : ) - Try to look her in the eye in this picture, I dare you to, look at it and tell me you don’t pee a little out of fear. You say you don’t?  I say you’re a frackin liar! Wookie!

 Second, it is important to warn you that if you play “Lola” at galactic space chess, it is best to let her win. Come to think of it, you should probably let her win at Wizards Chess as well. - Speaking of, does anyone know where I can find a really good Wizards Chess Set?  The only ones I can find, the pieces don’t move, so technically that’s not a Wizards Chess Set. - Any who…Appendages have been severed, to this day, I still don’t know where my left pinky is.  Wookie!

Third, she sounds like a Wookie.  Now I don’t have any audio proof, I really wish I did, so your just gonna have to trust me on this one.  She doesn’t so much meow as it is kind of a bark. A meowie/bark.  A meark.  Every time I scold her for doing something she knows she’s not suppose to do, she mearks at me and it instantly makes me think of Chewie.  Wookie!

Fourth, she may be a mean ass bitch, but any good Wookie is also very loyal.  I can say with certainty, that if I were caught by Boba Fett and frozen in carbonate, “Lola” would get her fury little ass captured so she can help in the plot to rescue me.  I think that’s sweet.  Wookie! (sidebar- I’ve also come to the conclusion that she would rescue me just so she can scratch the shit out of my arm while I’m sleeping, which backs up my first claim. Wookie!)

So those are four reasons I’ve come up with so far, there may be more in the future.

New evidence found!!!  Is “Lola” part Wookie?……or part Jawa? You be the judge.

BTW she just bit me, as I’m finishing up writing this.  It’s obvious she’s knows I’m getting close to the truth about her ancestry.