Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why I am an Asshole...

I’m an Asshole….with a capital A for emphasis.   “ No! It’s not true!  You couldn’t possibly be!  How could you say that?”  You’re probably asking your computer screen right now.  Yeah, I kinda am, or at least I feel like one sometimes.  Lately I’ve been in a funk, I’ve been down and feeling sorry for myself for struggling to make ends meet.  It’s been all about me lately, I-me-mine.  I’ve been in self pity mode for awhile, and I feel like an asshole because I know there are people out there who are far worse off then I am.  Lately I’ve been feeling like no one cares about me or how I get by paying my rent each month, even though I know that’s not true, I’ve got a lot of people who care about me…..but I don’t like to brag. : P   So lately I’ve been going through the motions <walking through the part> going from day to day being like Darlene again.  Yes, Darlene (from Rosanne) was a nickname my friends and family gave me because as a teen my closet was full of black and I didn’t speak English, I spoke sarcasm, or smart-assism.  So yeah, unfortunately "Darlene" found her way back into my life after being away for sooooo long.  Then something nice happened….two things actually.

First my good friend who works in maintenance at a local apartment building found a nice little surprise for me one day.  Sometimes when people move out of their apartments, they leave behind unwanted items.  The buildings office hangs on to them for awhile in case the former resident comes back to collect.  This particular box of joy my friend gave me (and no it’s not porn) had been sitting in the office for months uncollected, so he decided to give these items to me.  As soon as I saw what all was in this box, I immediately turned into the little girl I was and still act like most times, this box contains items that were most precious to me for the first 20 years of my life (again…not porn).  The inventory of this box of goodies includes 1 Nintendo Entertainment System, 1 Super NES, and 1 Nintendo 64 system.  Not only that, but there’s also a shit load of games for each system, games I haven’t played in too many years for me to remember.  Wow, here I was acting like a little sullen depressed girl and here is one person who cares enough about me to not only know I would absolutely love these items, but whom specifically set them aside for me.  Awesomeness!!

The second act of kindness came when I stopped at the corner gas station next to my apartment building during lunch time today.  I’m a reoccurring customer at this place; I’m there almost everyday for gas, cigarettes, chocolate milk, or trick turning for extra chocolate milk money.  Today the nice dude behind the counter that I talk to all the time runs to the back of the shop as soon as he saw me walk in the door.  He comes running back up front carrying a plastic bag with items in it.  He hands it to me, “Here you go, you are a good customer” he says,  “and you are here all the time, we want to say thank you to our best customers.” (You’re all reading that in the voice of Apu aren’t you?) Inside this little care package was a box of candy, two….yes two, packs of Parliament cigarettes (my brand of choice, but they are the most expensive, so I’ve been down grading lately to the cheapest pack….Pall Mall), if I wasn’t at work, I woulda started leaking from my eye sockets at this kind gesture, I gotta keep my street cred at work, can’t let anyone see me cry.  But that wasn’t all that was in this bag of goodies, there was also an envelope with a card inside, and inside this card was also a gas card (Free gas!! For my car!!), and bundle of scratch off lottery tickets.  I was moved just by the smokes and chocolate, I wasn’t even expecting anything else.  That’s two acts of kindness that people other then my family (who have to be nice to me) have bestowed upon me in two days.  So yeah I’ve officially been an asshole for the past few weeks and apologize profusely to anyone who I might have assholed on during my I-me-mine period.  

These acts of kindness have made me realize that I need to start doing more for people and be nicer.  (Cue the serious musical backdrop) Don’t get me wrong, I do help others as much as I can when I can, but sometimes I just feel like I could do more.  And it shouldn’t just be the holidays that I feel this way, it should be all year round.  I don't want to live in I-me-mine land, I don’t want to be like that dude from the McDonald's commercial “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”  Seriously dude?  Who the eff are you?  Who the eff am I for that matter.  I’m just a tiny dot of color among other tiny dots of color making up one big picture.  So I’m gonna try harder this new year to help out my fellow dots as much as I can, cause we’re all in this picture together, going through the same crap…together.  There are so many little things we can do to help each other out, hold the door for the person behind you, offer to help someone carry their grocery’s to their car, smile and give a compliment.  Karma’s a real thing peeps, and you yourself may need help one day, and when you help others, you’ll find that your “help” pops up from all directions just when you need it the most.  So let’s all pull a Catherine Ryan Hyde, and Pay it Forward, or up or down or sideways…just pay it. Ok?

* I would like to add a closing statement to all the kiddo’s and young-uns out there.  Earlier I mentioned how overjoyed I was when I received 2 packs of my favorite cigarettes.  Don’t start smoking kids.  Seriously.  I totally regret ever starting.  I admit, I started smoking when I was 17 cause all my friends were and I was sure that it made me look cooler to everyone.  It’s so hard to quit.  Trying to quit smoking is like trying not to breathe; it becomes a habit, something you need to survive your day.  Don’t start smoking, I promise you will regret it as much as I do.  Not to mention the price…when I started, they were $2.35 a pack (I can hear my dad saying, “Well when I first started, they were a quarter outta the vending machine”…thanks dad) now, just one pack costs me anywhere between $7.50-$8.70, that money adds up.  It’s a waste of money, you feel like shit just walking up a flight of stairs and it’s so hard to quit. Please if you actually follow any advice I give on this blog, it would be this; Don’t start smoking….oh yeah, and be nicer to your fellow dots. * 


Anonymous said...

See people wonder why I am so nice and like to help people as much as I do. It's just me trying to change one asshole at a time!! heehee

Your loving sister : )

Lola said...

Well just so you know, if i fail at being nicer, that means you're a failure too! :P