Monday, May 16, 2011

Weird things I thought or did as a kid: Age 0-6yrs

We all said, thought, or did stupid/weird/strange things as kids.  I decided to share with you some of the crazy shit that I thought or did.  I’m gonna break it down into three blogs by age.  This being the first will be age 0-6.  Now I needed help remembering some of my quirks from when I was really little, so I had asked my siblings through email, to help me “remember” some of the more interesting things I’ve done.  Yeah…I’m thinking this idea…not so good. My one sister replies back to me in less then 2 minutes with a long ass list that took me an hour to read.  Thanks sis!  Sarcasm* In my defense, I did have “inspiration” in the form of two older sisters and one older brother.  Some of the “inspiration” did come in dare form, it’s an unspoken law, that if your older sibs dare you to do something, well, you better damn well do it, or suffer the wrath of a loud, putrid, dank belch blown in your face, or worse…much worse.  Torture by gas was a big thing in my Family while growing up, you either dealt it, or tried your hardest not to be the victim of it.  Ahh, the memories!  Any who, please proceed below to age 0-6…

Age 0-6  

My Theory of How and Why I Was the Youngest Child of Four

I had a theory when I was little that my brother and sisters chained me up to the inside of my mom’s belly, so that I would be born last. I remember “accusing” them of their treachery on more then one occasion.  I gotta say though, I’m still not totally convinced that my theory is wrong.  I’ve found that there may be a motive to back up my mad ravings.  New evidence has been brought to my attention recently from a one Robert A. Fett.  Mr. Fett has informed me that when my sibs and I were younger and played make believe Star Wars, that I was always duped into playing R2D2 or an Ewok.  It’s obvious none of my older siblings wanted to play these roles, which only the shortest among us could play, so they schemed a scheme and it played out as they had planned.  I was born last for the sole purpose of being a non-speaking, short, sidekick in our playtime adventures. All I’ll say is be worried my sib’s….be very worried!  You have no idea what I have in store for you in the distant future….

Bedtime Trauma

I don’t remember how old I was, but I went to bed once with a Barbie doll clutched in my tiny little toddler arms.  In my tussling and tumbling of sleep, one of Barbie’s appendages jammed itself into my eye, I remember not being able to open my eye, and I think I had a black eye for a few days, but no major harm was done. Barbie did apologize to me after an emotional monologue, that seemed to drag on forever and ever…bitch can talk!  I forgave her, and it never happened again…so far.  I also was known to go to bed with gum in my mouth, which decidedly ended up in my hair by the morning.  Then there was another bedtime type paranoid thought I remember, that used to swim through my brain nightly, well mostly in the summer time, it used to freak me out.  We lived up north in the UP, in a house in the middle of the woods with only two or three houses remotely spaced on an old dirt road.  Yeah….wild animals were an every day occurrence for us.  I remember my crib/bed was in close proximity to the window, so I had crazy thoughts that raccoons, just raccoons for some reason, would come in through the window and claw at my face.  That never happened either, as far as I know…

The Movie ‘On Golden Pond’ Vs My Grandparents

I Thought the Movie ‘On Golden Pond’ Was Based on my Grandma and Grandpa.  For those of you who have seen the movie, you may understand the method to my tiny child minded madness.  For those who haven’t, just try to keep up, or move to the next section. Ok, so my grandparents live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, the UP, when I was little, they had the most amazing house built right on a lake. * FACT ‘On Golden Pond’ takes place at a “grandparents” house built on a, yep you guessed it, a pond. (It’s kinda like a lake, ok!?.. So just go with it!)  * FACT In ‘On Golden Pond’ the grandpa’s name is Norman; my grandpa’s name is Norman.  * FACT Norman in the movie went fishing on the pond their house was built on a lot, my grandpa went fishing on the lake a lot. * FACT In the movie they go swimming in the pond, we went swimming in the lake at my grandparents.  I think you can see where this is going, so yeah in my infantile mind, I was convinced the movie was based on my grams and gramps…it wasn’t though.

I Ate Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches with Style!

Yeah, for some reason when I’d eat a PB&J, I’d start right in the middle and work my way straight back. I guess it was my way around the gross crust part that all kids hate, but I did gain something from my technique, I’d be sporting a jelly beard with jelly hair gel in my baby ‘fro for the rest of the day, or until my mom took me out back and hosed me down. 

Ah…the start of 12 years of hell

On my first full day of school ever, the teacher was asking the class how they would be taking lunch that day. When it was my turn she asked if I was gonna have “hot” lunch (cafeteria eatin) or if I was gonna have “cold” lunch (brown baggin). I had no idea why she was asking me, my response was “Um, I don’t know, I think it’s kinda warm.” Yeah, I was brown bagging it that day, didn’t know I was suppose to proclaim I was having a “cold” lunch.


Care Bear Swim Time!

I took my care bear into the kiddy pool with me once, don’t know why, don’t care, we had fun swimming in the sun!  Poor Grumpy Bear though, he was never the same after my mom un-waterlogged him in the dryer. He didn’t quite trust me as much after that.
*BTW, I’m really hoping that my parents got me Grumpy Bear because I liked the color blue as a kid, and not because I was a grumpy kid….lol, I totally was a grumpy kid, I wouldn’t blame them if they had!

Well that’s age 0-6 folks, stay tuned for next week we continue with ages 7-12…