Why I am an Asshole...

I’m an Asshole….with a capital A for emphasis.   “ No! It’s not true!  You couldn’t possibly be!  How could you say that?”  You’re probably asking your computer screen right now.  Yeah, I kinda am, or at least I feel like one sometimes.  Lately I’ve been in a funk, I’ve been down and feeling sorry for myself for struggling to make ends meet.  It’s been all about me lately, I-me-mine.  I’ve been in self pity mode for awhile, and I feel like an asshole because I know there are people out there who are far worse off then I am.  Lately I’ve been feeling like no one cares about me or how I get by paying my rent each month, even though I know that’s not true, I’ve got a lot of people who care about me…..but I don’t like to brag. : P   So lately I’ve been going through the motions <walking through the part> going from day to day being like Darlene again.  Yes, Darlene (from Rosanne) was a nickname my friends and family gave me because as a teen my closet was full of black and I didn’t speak English, I spoke sarcasm, or smart-assism.  So yeah, unfortunately "Darlene" found her way back into my life after being away for sooooo long.  Then something nice happened….two things actually.

First my good friend who works in maintenance at a local apartment building found a nice little surprise for me one day.  Sometimes when people move out of their apartments, they leave behind unwanted items.  The buildings office hangs on to them for awhile in case the former resident comes back to collect.  This particular box of joy my friend gave me (and no it’s not porn) had been sitting in the office for months uncollected, so he decided to give these items to me.  As soon as I saw what all was in this box, I immediately turned into the little girl I was and still act like most times, this box contains items that were most precious to me for the first 20 years of my life (again…not porn).  The inventory of this box of goodies includes 1 Nintendo Entertainment System, 1 Super NES, and 1 Nintendo 64 system.  Not only that, but there’s also a shit load of games for each system, games I haven’t played in too many years for me to remember.  Wow, here I was acting like a little sullen depressed girl and here is one person who cares enough about me to not only know I would absolutely love these items, but whom specifically set them aside for me.  Awesomeness!!

The second act of kindness came when I stopped at the corner gas station next to my apartment building during lunch time today.  I’m a reoccurring customer at this place; I’m there almost everyday for gas, cigarettes, chocolate milk, or trick turning for extra chocolate milk money.  Today the nice dude behind the counter that I talk to all the time runs to the back of the shop as soon as he saw me walk in the door.  He comes running back up front carrying a plastic bag with items in it.  He hands it to me, “Here you go, you are a good customer” he says,  “and you are here all the time, we want to say thank you to our best customers.” (You’re all reading that in the voice of Apu aren’t you?) Inside this little care package was a box of candy, two….yes two, packs of Parliament cigarettes (my brand of choice, but they are the most expensive, so I’ve been down grading lately to the cheapest pack….Pall Mall), if I wasn’t at work, I woulda started leaking from my eye sockets at this kind gesture, I gotta keep my street cred at work, can’t let anyone see me cry.  But that wasn’t all that was in this bag of goodies, there was also an envelope with a card inside, and inside this card was also a gas card (Free gas!! For my car!!), and bundle of scratch off lottery tickets.  I was moved just by the smokes and chocolate, I wasn’t even expecting anything else.  That’s two acts of kindness that people other then my family (who have to be nice to me) have bestowed upon me in two days.  So yeah I’ve officially been an asshole for the past few weeks and apologize profusely to anyone who I might have assholed on during my I-me-mine period.  

These acts of kindness have made me realize that I need to start doing more for people and be nicer.  (Cue the serious musical backdrop) Don’t get me wrong, I do help others as much as I can when I can, but sometimes I just feel like I could do more.  And it shouldn’t just be the holidays that I feel this way, it should be all year round.  I don't want to live in I-me-mine land, I don’t want to be like that dude from the McDonald's commercial “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”  Seriously dude?  Who the eff are you?  Who the eff am I for that matter.  I’m just a tiny dot of color among other tiny dots of color making up one big picture.  So I’m gonna try harder this new year to help out my fellow dots as much as I can, cause we’re all in this picture together, going through the same crap…together.  There are so many little things we can do to help each other out, hold the door for the person behind you, offer to help someone carry their grocery’s to their car, smile and give a compliment.  Karma’s a real thing peeps, and you yourself may need help one day, and when you help others, you’ll find that your “help” pops up from all directions just when you need it the most.  So let’s all pull a Catherine Ryan Hyde, and Pay it Forward, or up or down or sideways…just pay it. Ok?

* I would like to add a closing statement to all the kiddo’s and young-uns out there.  Earlier I mentioned how overjoyed I was when I received 2 packs of my favorite cigarettes.  Don’t start smoking kids.  Seriously.  I totally regret ever starting.  I admit, I started smoking when I was 17 cause all my friends were and I was sure that it made me look cooler to everyone.  It’s so hard to quit.  Trying to quit smoking is like trying not to breathe; it becomes a habit, something you need to survive your day.  Don’t start smoking, I promise you will regret it as much as I do.  Not to mention the price…when I started, they were $2.35 a pack (I can hear my dad saying, “Well when I first started, they were a quarter outta the vending machine”…thanks dad) now, just one pack costs me anywhere between $7.50-$8.70, that money adds up.  It’s a waste of money, you feel like shit just walking up a flight of stairs and it’s so hard to quit. Please if you actually follow any advice I give on this blog, it would be this; Don’t start smoking….oh yeah, and be nicer to your fellow dots. * 

Books vs. Computers

To commemorate my continuing progress in the road to gaining my Librarian Technical Assistant (LTA) certificate, I want to write about a topic that’s been in pretty much all the classes I’ve taken thus far on this journey.  Books vs. Computers: Who Will Win the Ultimate Battle?  By computers I mostly mean those fancy thing-a-ma-bobs, Kindles or Nooks or any other kind of digital device that allows you to download books for a much cheaper price then buying a paper book.  There are many arguments supporting both sides, some will say that Kindles are smaller, easier to carry around, easier to hold when lying in bed, cheaper to buy reading materials, they save trees.  *That’s a whole ‘nother environmentalist debate with pro’s and con’s on both sides, which I won’t get into today.  Perhaps…..another time*    Some people would say that paper books are on the way out, that they’ll be a thing of the past, that soon technology will be able to hold the infinite knowledge of any book ever written, rendering the originals obsolete.  I say Fah-Que! *that’s only funny if you picture it said in the voice of Peter Griffin. So just…try picturing that…ok?*

Then there are many like me who know that the hard copy paper books will never go away.  Those of us that prefer the “real” thing do so because we treasure the books.  If you’re a bookworm like me, you have a few books that are your absolute favorites, you’ve read them 20 times already, and you’ll read ‘em 20 more times before long.  These favorite books stay with you forever, you grab that copy from the shelf and hold it in your hands and remember all the times you’ve read it, and the different stages you’ve gone through in your life up until that point.  And you get this reaction so strong sometimes you can feel the energy tingling in your fingers slowly moving up your arm with each touch of the page.  Those tinglings are memories of who you were, who you knew, what you were feeling, even those of anyone else who have held that very book, even if it was just for a second.  It can be very personal unlike one little pad with a screen, who’s probably been with every book out there, downloading one book after another, then tossing it aside without another thought.  Oh and what if they download a virus along with its latest conquest?  Paper books don’t get viruses.  They…uhm…might get a little mold from time to time, but that’s nothing a good ointment can’t fix!

So I think by now you all should know that I’m a Buffy fan, and more importantly a huge Giles fan.  I mean come on, for a middle aged British Librarian turned Magic Shop owner, he’s pretty damn hot. Which I think his performance on guitar whilst singing ‘Behind Blue Eyes’ and ‘Free Bird’ will hush any doubters of my claim to his sexiness. Check this link for 'Behind Blue Eyes', well worth the watch http://tinyurl.com/6g38amx <video provided by You Tube> Anyway the reason I bring up Giles is because he shares the same affection for the hard copy Paper Book as I do, and he’s got a lot to say on the subject…and not afraid to say it.  So I’m gonna leave you with the best Giles quotes regarding his love of books and hatred towards “idiot boxes” because this is my blog page and that’s what I want to do, and on this site it’s only what I want that matters! ; P  

*Plus maybe I’ll convert back some paper book turncoats.

Deep Thoughts by Rupert Giles

Sn1 Ep6 – I Robot, You Jane

*Note for those who don’t know the show, Jenny Calendar is Sunnydales H.S.’s computer teacher and self proclaimed Techno-Pagan.

Jenny Calendar – “Well, I think you’ll be very happy here with your musty old books.”

Giles – “These musty old books have a great deal more to say then any of your fabulous web pages!”

….later that day,

JC – “Honestly, what is it about them (computers) that bother you so much?”

Giles – “The smell”

JC – “Computers don’t smell Rupert.”

Giles – “I know.  Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is.  A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten.  Books smell musty and rich.  The knowledge gained from a computer is….it has no texture.  No context.  It’s there and then it’s gone.  If it’s to last then the getting of knowledge should be tangible.  It should be uhm…smelly.”

Sn3 Ep11 Gingerbread

*Note, in this scene, Giles books have been confiscated leaving him to <gasp> resort to using a computer to research this episodes “Big Bad”

….Giles gets frustrated

Giles <typing loudly> “Session interrupted!? Who said you could interrupt you stupid, useless fad?! <Giles glares at the screen> I said fad! And I’ll say it again.”

….Xander and Oz walk in

Xander <watching Giles> “And at that point I will become frightened.  Take heart, we found your books.”

……Giles looks up with love in his eyes

Xander- "You can put your heart back.  We can’t get them; they’re locked up in City Hall."

……Giles looks like he is about to cry <annnnd …..Scene!>

Sn5 Ep11 Triangle

*Note Buffy and Giles are discussing whether it is worth asking the Watchers Council for help against this seasons “Big Bad”

Giles – “The resources that the watchers council have at its disposal……<Giles looks off, lost in his book fantasy land> I mean, the central library alone is…”<Buffy cuts him off>

Buffy – “Don’t talk about the books again! You get all……and sometimes you drool”

Fin

Finding My Strengths

So for the class I’m taking right now, 21^st Century Library Work Skills, thank you for asking, we are exploring our individual strengths.  It’s kinda like the different parts of our personalities that make us good at certain things.  The basis for learning this is to grow on what you are good at instead of focusing on your weaker aspects.  You can go so much further honing you strengths then trying to get your weaknesses to grow just as strong.  You’ll never get your weaknesses to grow past a certain point because talent in a certain area will help or prohibit this.  It’s like you can practice basketball till the cows come home, but if you don’t have the natural talent, you’ll never make it into the NBA.  Get it?  So for this week’s assignment we had to go on Strength Finders 2.0 and take a 30-minute test to determine what our top five strengths are.  Since I found this really interesting (and because I want to brag about myself) I decided to share this with you nice people who actually take the time to read my blogs.  After taking the Strength Finder Test, I was happy to find what my top five strengths are.  In ranking order they are Empathy, Intellection, Adaptability, Connectedness, and Learner.  That’s right bitches!  Intellection and Learner, and you all thought I was stupid. :P   I’m also actually really humble, but it didn’t pick that for me, so I feel I need to state that right now. Anywho’s here is a brief description of each area.

Empathy – With empathy, you basically try to put yourself in other people’s shoes to see how a situation affects them.  You can tune into other peoples emotions very easily and can sometimes even feel what they are feeling.  It is very centered around emotions and is not just about feeling bad for someone when they are down, you actually feel how they are feeling and can describe what they are going through as they go through it.  There is no judging in empathy, you can feel what someone is feeling and completely disagree with why they are feeling that way.  To me it’s kind of a respect thing; it goes back to the old adage “treat those as you would like to be treated”.  If you can truly live by those words, empathy will come easily to you.

Intellection – You would think that intellection is about being book smart, but that’s not exactly the best way to describe this strength.  Intellections like to think.  They are perfectly happy and content being alone with their thoughts.  Taking tests, polls, or solving problems for an intellection type personality is akin to exercises and training that athletes do to stay in shape and strengthen their skills.  It’s about pushing boundaries within yourself to see where your mind can take you.

Adaptability – Adaptability is about living in the moment.  You may think about the future, but planning for the future is not really your thing.  You take life one-step at a time and base your plans on what is going on at that moment.  You can understand that any plans you do make could and will change at any time and you are comfortable with that and expect it to happen.  You don’t necessarily make a list of goals for yourself because you prefer to focus on one thing at a time and then move on from there.  We do know that plans will change and we are pretty much ok with that.

Connectedness – With connectedness you are able to relate with all types of personalities.  You know that what you do can affect others and vice versa.  You have a belief in something spiritual that you know connects every living thing together on this earth into a whole.  It can, but doesn’t have to be a religious belief, that all depends on how you were raised.  You just know that you are a tiny little ant in the big scheme of things and there are things out there bigger then you, and you embrace that.  Connectedness is similar to empathy; they share some similar traits, such as being able to feel what others are feeling.  This helps bring people together and closes the gap that usually turns people away from getting to know other types of personalities.  You can usually get along with just about anybody because you are easily able to find ways to relate to other people.

Learner – A learner loves the process of getting to know as much information as possible about a subject that interests them.  We like to read and do research to expand our knowledge.  For a learner seeking knowledge is not about gain, we do it for ourselves because it makes us happy to learn new things.  Knowing nothing on a particular subject, to knowing everything there is to know on it, is a force that drives us.  It’s like if you were to go berry picking, the process of picking the berries and filling our basket is more exciting then the end result of having a basket full of berries.

I recommend taking the Strength Finder Test for anyone who is interested in this.  You do find out a lot about yourself that you never really took the time to discover before.  If anybody else has taken this, I’d be interested to know what results you got and if you agree with them.  Feel free to post a comment, I love a good debate! Now that I’m done patting myself on the back, I’m off to go watch some more 30 Rock. Laters!

My Theory on what Really Happened to Ms. Kitty Fantastico

As you all know (if your Buffy fans) Ms. Kitty Fantastico seems to have disappeared part way through season 5, not unlike the famous Tiger from the Brady Bunch.  There have been many speculations as to what happened to our feline friend, and this would be my theory. Ms. Kitty Fantastico did not meet her fate impaled by a stray crossbow bolt like Dawn would have you believe.  In fact, the only reason Dawn believes this to be the case is because Willow in a fit of anger put one of her famous memory charms on Dawn making her think she’d left a crossbow lying around and that this crossbow was what did in poor little Ms. Kitty.  Why would Willow do that you ask?  It was revenge! For Dawn had taken a pair of Willows clogs without asking and had lost them then lied about having them in the first place.  You can’t lie to a witch, and you definitely shouldn’t piss one off!  Anyway, my story begins that fateful day when Glory busted into Tara ’s dorm room searching for “The Key”.   Buffy, Dawn, Willow, and the newly lobotomized Tara were about to have some lunch when Glory came upon them and the four girls were forced to abandoned the decimated room in order to keep the youngest Summers girls safe, and that is where Ms. Kitty’s life took a turn in a different direction….

It was dark out by the time Ms. Kitty Fantastico woke up from her Tuna Sandwich induced slumber. She’d been hiding under the bed since all the commotion earlier in the day.  She decided to make her move, she didn’t want to be there in case that strange woman, Glory, came back with her minions again.  She took a deep breath and made a mad dash for the missing wall that lead to the courtyard outside the building.  She stayed to the shadow, slinking as close as possible to the cement wall that made up the dorm she had once lived in as a sneaky cat.  She had no idea where she was gonna go or what she was gonna do.  Should she try to find Tara and Willow?  Should she try to find food and shelter first?  Should she try to make her dream of becoming a talking cat Disney cartoon character come true?  While she was slowly pondering her options, Spike came along and made her decision for her.  See Spike was feeling restless that night and wanted to fight or drink, or both.  When he saw Ms. Kitty Fantastico, he saw the opportunity to be included in Clem’s weekly poker game in the back room of Willy’s Place.  As you know, the only way to play poker at Willy’s was by betting with kittens instead of money.  He snatched up Ms. Kitty and hustled away into the night.  But Spike didn’t make it to Clem’s poker game.  Buffy caught him on his way; she had been searching for him.  Not wanting Buffy to ask unwanted questions about why he was smuggling a cat in his duster, he hastily let Ms. Kitty drop from his grasp where she immediately ran for the nearest alley to hide.

After finding a not so warm and dry corner to hide in, she stayed and slept until morning when the light would be up to guide her on her way.  She awoke to an old fat tabby named Bonkers staring at her.  He was twice her age, and as mean as he was ugly, but he ended up taking care of her and making sure her belly and pouch of catnip was full every day.  Ms. Kitty Fantastcio grew up pretty quick living in the Alley with Bonkers, with his help she turned into her alter-ego Trixie, and she quickly built up a strong clientele of ‘johns’ or I guess you would call them ‘toms’ since they were cats.   One day though Bonkers went out to hunt mice and never returned.  This was the second time in her life she’d been abandoned and she was starting to feel a bit self-conscious.  Why did no one want to stay with her?  What is she doing to push everyone away?  Was it the clumps of crap stuck in her fur because she lacked the resource of toilet paper?  She became utterly depressed and plunged her soul into her work, for where else would she find the happiness and acceptance she so desperately craved.   

 

Then one-day fortune fell at Ms. Kitty Fantastico’s paws.  One of her ‘toms’ happened to be a photographer for Play Kitty magazine and offered her a full picture spread….in exchange for free “service”.  She jumped on that opportunity….in more ways then one, and fast became a modeling sensation.

Ms. Kitty Fantastico's PlayKitty debut

Photo courtesy of PlayKitty

Photo courtesy of PlayKitty

As her career as a model took off and took her to many new places, so did her catnip problem, until one day she found out she was expecting a litter of kittens (three girls one boy).  It was at that point she decided to clean up her life so her babies wouldn’t be forced to follow the same path she lead.  She moved out of the Sunnydale/L.A. area to remove herself for the places and people that had helped enable her addiction.  She eventually married the father of her brood, although some speculate that there is more then one father for her litter.  She is now living happily off the fortune she made from her Play Kitty days.  She returned to Sunnydale once since she had left to try to find her old humans Tara and Willow, but unfortunately all she found was a large gash in the earth where the Hellmouth-y town once stood.   She was left wondering what happened to her old humans since her trail to find them ended so abruptly.  She has not tried to search for them since. 

Ms. Kitty with two of her daughters, Perfecto(left) and Joan(right)

These days Ms. Kitty Fantastico currently resides in Tijuana with her husband and four children, Magnifico, Perfecto, Supersticioso, and Joan.  Her life may have had it hardships and cat-astrophes, but Ms. Kitty finally found the home and companionship she so desperately craved since day one.

Thus ends the “real” story of Ms. Kitty Fantastico.